Auch! My past keeps biting me in the ass. A-S-S. Ass. Ass. Yes, I said ass.

I know I keep repeating myself with 'Let Go', 'Let Go', 'Move On' & 'Let Go'. I think I mostly keep telling those things to myself though. Sometimes I manage to let go, but most of the time I just don't. And that sucks. Today I realized that I don't because I was confronted with something that I should have ignored, but I didn't. I stayed. I watched. I read. And here I am. Returning to my secret, safe haven where it is okay to feel 'this' way.

I hate the fact that I know him so well and still choose to misread the signs. He might say he is sorry, but he is not sorry, he is just happy that HE is doing better. I hate the fact that he does the things he does and that he still gets to me. I hate the fact that I am in a place where I should be happy and I still choose to be miserable because of the things he did and the same things that I accepted back then.

I hate the fact that I am still an open book to him and he chooses the lies, or the unsaid which might be even worse.

So every time I have to DJ I play a record for him, 'When the Sun Goes Down' by Arctic Monkeys. People dance to it without listening to the lyrics. It's a great tune, but also a very sad one. I bet that they wouldn't be dancing if they knew his story. The story that unfortunately got to be my story as well and that keeps haunting me. But I guess it's hard to care about that while enjoying a sunny Carribean beach huh? Well, I get that. So once again I get to be the one that gets it. Great.

Oh how I wish to wake up one day and forget that he was ever in my life.